North to Alaska

All these many months I have been sending out resumes for my husband. There have been little nibbles of interest, a couple of interviews, but nothing that turned into anything solid. Until two weeks ago when he and I were going to a Sportsmans Banquest (where we were waaaaay overdressed. I guess I should have figured that sportsman=jeans and not dresses). Anyway the call came from a company that had an open position in Juneau, Alaska. What do I know about Alaska? Nothing. Neither does he. But I guess we will learn as in the last two weeks they called several times, sent an offer letter and forms for security clearance. Truthfully, I'm not even sure I know what the job is all about. I recall thinking "this is a long shot" when I completed the application. Wish I would have played the power ball that day, maybe my odds would have been just as good.

So, now we are just waiting on the security clearance from the gov't. I don't know how long that will take, or even what it is for. From the time that comes back, he has 2 weeks to get to Alaska. They are offering 3 months of housing and 2K of relocation costs. That isn't much, but the ferry is going to cost about $1,000 so at least he can recoup part of that cost. Oh yeah, apparently Juneau is a real "you can't get there from here" type of place (to borrow some vernacular from another part of the country I used to live in). There are no roads going to Juneau, only boats and planes.

Truth be told, I'm very excited about the possibility of moving but not so psyched about what will be a very long separation. Plus, I still have a household full of kids. But we will survive this and be stronger for it. When I look at the potential job opportunities in public health nursing I get shivers because it is so much what I really want to do. Can't you see me on the back of a dog sled - mmmmm make that snowmobile - going to some real remote area to provide vaccinations? How very Balto of me! All kidding aside, I think it is so important to provide health care to people in their community, and some of the communities in Alaska are remote. How cool is that?

But, first I have to complete this semester. Why is it that I cannot focus and concentrate on completing the work for just one class? I blew off Friday, was gone for the weekend, and now have hours left to finish. Guess it's time to get the lead out and really try and focus. I feel like I have ADHD, so many things to think about and no time to do it it!

Reality

I awoke this morning with a pounding in my head and in my heart. I am so out of sorts. I know I have so many emotions going on with daughter and her family moving back in. Not all bad, but clumped up and tangled on the inside. I look at her room, which is in complete disarray with the floor torn up and two desks in here, walls needing paint and I just can't fathom how the three of them are going to move in here.

Yesterday I took my final exam, which I did not pass. There have only been 3 exams that I have not passed the whole time I have been in school, and two of them have been in this class. And it isn't because the class is hard, but rather I have just not put any effort into it at all. I know that I can't study for 3 hours before the exam and expect to do well. Yet, that is exactly what I have done all summer. In the end, I think I will pass the class. I have gotten full points for all the other side work and I kicked butt on an exam I had to take on Monday. Yup, it sucked with a test on Monday and a final full review on Wednesday. I should have been studying for days, but I all ready admitted that I didn't.

I have been going to school year-round for about 2 years now. I really really need a break. But I don't see one in sight. Starting next week I will be working 2 jobs, and there is a hint of another one too. I am supposed to go to a training for this new job on Monday. I don't even know for sure what it is because I am dealing with a recruiter and they won't release the name of the company. I haven't had an interview or anything. The whole thing is weird, but I am a whore to the all mighty dollar right now and will take whatever I can. Then school begins again for me in about 3 weeks. The last sememster and only clinicals, so it shouldn't be too horrible.

The jeep overheated - almost - on me yesterday. Today I need to call the shop and bring it in. Because I have spent all my cash on Joe's school registration, and money for the U-Haul I am a little strapped for cash. Pay day is still a week a way and I don't want to ask the husband because he still isn't working. Hopefully, it is just something minor that won't cost me much. But I wanted to buy my fishing license today and now I won't even plunk the $20 down for that.

Gonna go make breakfast for the men now. It's 9 AM and I've been up since 5 AM. I told the husband last night that I was concerned about the kids moving back, and he told me to stop worrying because I couldn't do anything about it. Pretty relaxed statement from him. So, I figure I'll make the ham and eggs he has been asking for. He has to work tonight and I am off - then we switch and I work for the next several nights. We rarely see each other. At least tonight we should be able to snuggle between the sheets together and both be awake at the same time.

Life is ever changing

A couple of mornings ago the day dawned bright and beautiful. I was inspired to take the dogs for a walk. Sounds like an easy task, but picture this: one is a doxie mix weighing in at 13 lbs and the other a black lab with a furious tail who weighs about 80 lbs. Plus, for some reason I opted to take my coffee with me. I don't know why I took the coffee, but I did. Anyway, the three of us enjoyed a nice leisurely stroll around the lake. I believe it is the first time I have done it this summer. In fact, I know it is. Between being in class and working zombie hours I never enjoy the sunshine. It truly was beautiful, cool but not cold, the skeeters weren't bad and the sun was just coming up. Even little Rosey dog managed to walk the 2.5 miles, although nay-sayers in the family said it would be to far for her little legs. There were just a couple of things I need to keep in mind for next time. 1. Don't bring the coffee cup, there just aren't enough hands. Especially when confronted with holding the inevitable bag of poop. 2. Wear a hat. This is just for protection from the assault of deer flies we encountered at the far side of the lake. This is where the road leaves the waters edge and runs between the lake and a couple of small farms. Oh, and 3. bring some treats for the dogs. They did deserve it.

So yesterday I was home in the AM and decided to do the same. Only this time the sky threatened rain and it was blustery and cold. Actually cold considering it was August 1st. The 3 of us took a walk but the shorter, condensed version. It is still a challenge to keep leashes from getting twisted and entwined, but we are figuring it out. This time we took a different route that encompasses more hills. I believe Rosey was shooting me dirty looks as we climbed the last one towards home. However, Riley appeared to appreciate the little dip he got to take at the boat launch. The dog does love his water. He just walks out into the water and smiles. If you know dogs, you know they are expressive, so you can picture the pink tongue hanging out of the black lab face in a big gaping smile. Contrasted with Rosey's little underbite and expression of disdain. She hates the water. Riley likes it so much we keep a kiddie pool for him in the backyard.

This morning I was up again way before 5 AM. Maybe I should have been a farmer. But today I awoke from a fitful sleep with a jammin' headache and just a yuk feeling. Sorry pups, no walk this AM. I need to spend some time studying as I have to ace my exam tomorrow. I did put some rub on the ribs and got them marinating in the frig. I've never made bbq baby back ribs like this before. I think I must cook when I am home because I feel so guilty about not feeding my family the other 3 nights a week. The men just won't cook. However, things are changing that might just change the cooking schedule in the house.

Child #1 moved out in December to live with the boyfriend. In May they produced beautiful granddaughter #1. In July they moved to MI with promises of a house (cheap rent) and jobs (full-time with bennies). Here it is a month later and the promised jobs didn't exist. The rent for the house is cheap enough, but it doesn't matter how cheap it is if you do not money coming in. So, they swallowed their respective pride and asked to move back here. I don't mean here in this state, I mean here in this house. I think this is why I didn't sleep well last night and probably is contributing to this AM's headache. The voices in my head had been telling/warning (?) me of this for quite some time. Mainly just because they have been broke for months, and now it is coming to fruition. It will be okay, there will just be lots of adjustments to be made. There are also a couple of - oh I don't know the word at the moment - but some rules they must follow. The daughter and the baby can come back, but there must be a marriage for the boyfriend to move in also. I'm willing to help, but I'm not compromising everything. The daughter must return to school. To me this is more important then them getting full-time jobs and chipping in with rent. And if he wants to go back, he might as well do it while living here. And I told the daughter she needs to look at something that will provide an actual income. Not something that will allow her to say "do you want fries with that". The local tech college offers lots of things in the medical field, and that's where she needs to be concentrating. I don't care if it's x-ray tech, dental assisting, nursing whatever, she needs to head in that direction. Now that she is a Mom she needs to not only look after herself, but also that little bundle of joy. And lastly, no lying. The time to be a truculent teen is waaaaay past. This will only work if they are honest. I know they are up to their collective eyeballs in debt, so they can't be promising to help with things that they can't afford to do.

So, she agreed, and she cried, and she sounded tired and emotionally drained. My heart goes out to her, but only so far. I guess that's because as a young girl/teen she tromped all over my heart and broke it several times. Now I stay slightly reserved just for protection. But she's learning the real hard way about becoming a responsible person. Hopefully the boyfriend/fiance is learning some lessons too. He should, he's old enough with 2 kids from a previous marriage. Time for them all to put on the grown-up panties. That doesn't sound as good as big-girl panties, but I don't really want to imagine him in big-girl panties. Oh damn. Too late.

ho hum

The day has dawned bright and sunny. A great summer day. But, technology has taken over our lives and no one can enjoy the weather. One son hides in his room with the curtains drawn. I wonder what he does in there - but then - no. I really don't want to know.

The other is hooked up to the TV like its some life-producing source. And I'm no better. I log into my on-line class, check my emails and read up on someone elses bike ride across Canada. Now it's time to catch a nap so I can enjoy some quality time with the family tonight.

we ain't got no stinking summer

Summer? What summer? How can I have reached the age that I am (and won't disclose at this point) and still pine for summer vacation? Do we ever get over the need to go out and play? God - I hope not.

However, this year with the youngest in summer school (hear the gnashing of many parental teeth), the eldest out of the house with a baby of her own, and the middle one - well, stuck in the middle. Plus there is trap-shooting that seems to have taken over the minds of the biggest boy and the youngest boy in the house.

The boat remains parked in the driveway, the kayak unretrieved from someone else's house, and Mother Nature has blessed us with one of the coldest summers in history. I hear we have made the top 10 of coldest summers on record. Oh, then there is the fact that I am working night shift and keep vampire hours. I think I will burn and shrivel if sunlight actually hits my skin. Sort of like the witch in the Wizard of Oz, but with sun and not water. My skin is so white that I could do a clorox commercial. And what do I do with my free time - study, study, study!!
How did I ever get into this predicament? More importantly, will I be able to extract myself so that next summer, even if I am still on night shift, I can enjoy some summer? Oh yeah - and maybe spend some time with my family??